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I also know what Cap is up to with that comment. I wince, because I know this isn’t the best moment for Miles to hear that, especially after the awkward conversation we just had. ∺nyone ever told the two of you that you make a pretty darn good-looking couple?” “It’s me,” I say, still in the same position with Miles. He turns and faces us full on, standing no more than five feet away. He flips it off and slowly turns back toward the door but not before noticing us out of the corner of his eye. He walks toward the switch on the wall that turns off the jets to the hot tub. I turn, too, and see Cap slowly shuffling his way onto the rooftop deck. I wrap my arms loosely around his neck, but his attention is pulled to the door, which is now opening. I try to get his mind off of it before he sees right through me. I can see the doubt in his concerned eyes, but he nods anyway. I somehow find it in me to look him in the eyes and tell the best lie I’ve ever told in my whole life. “It’s not,” I interrupt, doing whatever I can to stop him from ending this. “If I were capable of loving someone … it would be you.” My heart cracks with his words, and I feel the hope seep in and leak right back out again. “I know I’ll regret saying this, but I want you to hear it.” He pulls back just enough for his lips to meet my hair, then grips me tightly again. He’s holding me like he’s terrified I’d drown if he were to release me. His arms pull me in tighter, and the hold he has on me speaks volumes. Something that stole the spirit right out of him, just like Cap said. Something I more than likely couldn’t relate to, even if I found out what it was. Maybe I’m underestimating whatever it was that happened in his past to make him this way. Which is why I don’t question him, because I feel like maybe I’m not prepared for the truth.

None of these scenarios is reason enough to absolutely deny a heart happiness. Is he scared? Is it because I’m not right for him? Is he afraid he’ll break my heart? I don’t ask him, because none of his answers to these questions would reassure me.

I analyze his words and the fact that he said I can’t rather than I won’t. I just …” His voice fades away, and he grows quiet. That’s the only reason I’m still doing this, Miles.